Umbrellas, Briefcases and
Bowler Hats
A long time ago, in a hat shop far, far away...
EXCLUSIVE VIDEO TRAILERS:
Star Wars: Episode I: 'The Phantom Menace'
Star Wars: Episode One began casting in 1995. Lucasfilm were looking for individuals who looked good in Bowler Hats; film legend George Lucas wanted every character in his new movie to wear one, so impressed was he by the quality and spaciousness of Bowler Hat '98. In fact, the actor for Darth Maul was chosen specifically for the shape of his head! The film began shooting in July 1997, and the cast and crew (thanks to the new-found confidence which their Bowler Hats instilled) worked extremely hard and managed to complete the film by December 19, 1998.
However, all this work was for nothing. Not wanting the anti-conservative theme of Star Wars to taint my product, I negotiated with Lucas; either he re-write the script to my satisfaction, or I would not give permission to use Bowler Hat '98. My script changes were modest; a title change to 'The Phantom Pharter', and an ending which would leave the Trade Federation as the victors. After all, a right-wing free-market economy is what the Bowler Hat philosophy is all about.
Not willing to rename his film, Lucas was forced to refilm instead. Since every character in the movie wore a Bowler Hat (including the Federation Droids, Yoda and Samuel L. Jackson), this meant filming the entire movie all over again.
Phantom
Manace: Bowler Hat Version Trailer
Darth Maul
Star Wars: Episode IV: 'A New Hope'
For the re-release of the original trilogy, Lucas added CGI Bowler Hats to every character - and even to the Death Star! However, the film gives a very bad message to the youth of today; instead of teaching them to respect the right wing ideology of heroes such as Tarkin and Vader, it encourages them to resist it. It is almost as sacriligious as the indictment of General Pinochet!
Star Wars: Episode V: 'The Empire Strikes Back'
This is the one film in which I allowed Lucas to keep the CGI Bowler Hats. However, he took them out since they would not fit in with the rest of the hatless trilogy. The message in this movie was a very good one; Boba Fett, a good, upstanding pillars of the community served his government, as well as making a bit of cash out of the bargain. Not only was he a patriot and intolerant of dissidents, but he also understood the workings of the economy, and didn't allow anything as trivial as Human Rights stand in his way. This is a film to be proud of, in which the forces of good win!
Boba Fett,
Vader and Lando
Boba Fett and Vader in
Carbon Freezing Chamber
Princess Leia
Star Wars: Episode VII 'The Return of the Jedi'
Tch tch tch. Back to his old tricks again, pandering to the wet liberals and communists by making a film about overthrowing an 'oppressive' Government, whose only crime is building a giant planet-destroying weapon for purposes of strategic defence. This film definitely didn't get my approval. Naughty Lucas!
